Reminders

Christmas is almost here and it is a bittersweet one for me this year. I have many sweet memories of my mom and Christmas. This first one without her is so hard.

Everywhere I turn, I am reminded of her. I was Christmas shopping in Belk's (her favorite store) and for a second I thought "I need to find something for mama" and then realized that I won't be doing that this year or ever again. I was in the grocery store and saw chocolate covered cherries - reminding me how much she loved them. I would always buy them for her this time of year. She loved all sweets. I used to take her milkshakes and candy bars - she never gained weight.

I guess the most poignant reminder of her this season has been her iron skillet. I dug it out yesterday to make cornbread for dressing. This is only my second attempt at dressing - we'll see how it goes. Anyway, my mama used that skillet almost everyday. She made cornbread for our family. I thought about how she would make her cornbread and how she taught me how. I can remember her showing me how to grease the pan up with lard and showing me just how "soupy" the batter should be. She told me never leave the pan wet. "Wash it and dry it immediately". "Take care of your pots and pans", she said.

My mama taught me so many things. I miss her so much. I know she would not come back here and who could blame her? She is with our Savior....in His precense- praising Him, walking, dancing, rejoicing. She is well. She is new. She has everlasting life because she knows Him. I am thankful that I have that promise, too.

Catching up

I just noticed that I have not blogged since September 30! I can't believe it's been so long. I kept thinking that I really didn't have anything to say. Maybe I was just too busy to say it. :)

We had a really busy October. We were at Myrtle Beach for our vacation the first full week. It was really nice. The weather was good. There was a little rain, but not too bad. The pools were heated and they had a lazy river that the girls really enjoyed. Every year, I say we're not going to the beach that late in the season, but we always end up doing just that!

Homeschooling is going good. We have settled into a routine that works for us - morning school for Olivia while Caroline is at preschool. We took our first field trip to Happy Cow Creamery. I think I enjoyed it more than Olivia! We are going to a co-op every week and I think I am beginning to get the hang of everything.

Christmas is fast approaching and I am trying not to dread it. I know it will be tough - the first one without my mom.

Caroline talks about my mom all the time. I think she is trying to understand her being in heaven and not being able to see her. She has been extremely attached to me since mama died. At first, I thought it was because I was away from her so much being at the hospital with mama, but now I am wondering - does she think I will leave and not come back like Nana Allie?

On to more recent events: Last night, the wind whipped and the rain poured....and....I heard a big crash! I thought lightening had hit the house! I ran to look out the front door and I could see sparks in the trees out front. I heard crackling. The power flickered on and off and finally went out completely. I ran and woke the girls ready to get them out of the house! I was so scared that the house was on fire. Brad was at work. I panicked. I realized (after the girls were jerked awake and crying) that a tree had blown over and hit the transformer across the street! Needless to say we had a very restless night! The power came back on at 4:40 a.m.

During all the craziness of the power outage, Olivia was crying and so scared. I felt horrible that I had woke her! She fretted and fretted and talked and talked. We prayed and asked God to calm us - to be with us and comfort us. She settled right down after that and so did I. God is always with us -ready to comfort and calm us - all we have to do is ask.

I love being a mother. When I was a little girl - I dreamed of it. I had to wait a looooong time, but God's timing is perfect. He has blessed me so!!!

He gives us the desires of our hearts.

My girls are growing up so fast! They are both so different and both so wonderful. I remember wondering when I was pregnant with Caroline if I could love her as much as I do Olivia. How silly! My heart just opened up and welcomed her right in!

Olivia is telling me that she knows what I'm thinking "cause she can read my brain". :) She is so creative - always making things and giving them to me. Olivia is a giver. I think gifts is her love language (she also likes to receive them). She always writes me notes that say "I love you" and wraps up gifts for all of us. She takes such good care of Caroline. Well....except for today when Caroline was screaming and Olivia couldn't hear the TV- Olivia bopped her then. But....that's another blog!

Caroline is talking non-stop. I can understand most of it now! She has really turned into a "mommy's girl", but when asked she will say that she's "mama's girl, daddy's girl and LaLa's girl". We were on a trip recently and she announced to everyone within 5 miles of the rest area that she "needs privacy!". She would not let me come into the stall with her. She has to do everything herself. We drove by Six Flags on our trip and she saw the big rollercoaster and she wanted to ride it. Brad told her it was very high and very fast. Her reply? "I'll hold on." She's got it all figured out. :)

What a joy these girls are to me! God is so good! He's so good to me!

Changes

I haven't blogged in a while. I was bringing myself down, so I knew that whoever read this was surely being brought down as well. I am starting to feel better - handling things better, I guess.

There have been so many changes for our family in the last few months. Olivia graduated from K5 in May. We left our church home (where we have been for the last 8 years) in June. My mom got sick and passed away in July. Life is so different without her. We visited many great churches over the summer and have finally found where God wants us to serve. We got a new vehicle (new to us). My niece got married this summer. Our dear friend, Tammy got married, too! So, this summer has been full of change - good and bad. That's what life is all about though. Nothing ever stays the same. Situations change. Cars wear out. People die. People get married. Children grow....

Olivia began first grade this week at home. Yep! I'm homeschooling! Wow! If someone had told me even 10 years ago that I would be doing this - I would think they were crazy!!! I would think I would be crazy to even try such a thing! We don't know if this is what we will do forever. We just know it's what is right for our family right now. God has affirmed this in so many ways!! Olivia and I have had 3 wonderful days of homeschool so far. I know there will be bad days. I'm realistic. I know the good will outweigh the bad, though. Someone told me they are praying that we "bank up" a lot of good days to look back on when we have a bad one. What an awesome prayer! I am believing for that! "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22

God is so faithful. He has blessed us in so many ways. We have been given textbooks, workbooks, craft supplies, a desk, a computer, a printer and much encouragement for our first year of homeschool!

Caroline has started K3. She had her first day on Monday. She is growing up so fast! She loves school and is going 5 days this year. This gives me ample time to homeschool Olivia one on one! They just started offering 5 days this year. A coincidence? "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". Romans 8:28

All around me...

Death seems to be everywhere lately.... a friend's mother and two of Brad's co-worker's husbands died just in the last month. One of our goldfish died last night. That may seem like no big deal, but we had her a year and a half. She is the first pet that Olivia has lost. We mourned at our house this morning. Maybe it is affecting me more because of my mom. My Mama died a little over a month ago now. Am I doing better? I guess. Not really. Sometimes. That's how I feel. One minute, I am fine and in an instant, I fall to pieces.

A friend of mine lost her mother a few weeks ago. They received friends one month exactly to the day that my Mama died. It was so hard to go to the funeral home, but I went. It helps the grieving when their friends come. I know this from personal experience. Just seeing someone make the effort to come and hug you means the world to you. To take the time from your busy schedule and acknowledge that their world has stopped and will never be the same again will make a lasting impression on your grieving friend. They'll think on it days and weeks and months and it will comfort them. You don't have to say the "right words". Just go. Hug your friend. They'll know what you're saying.

This is the day....

I know I am a blessed woman. That's why I titled my blog "Diary of a Blessed Woman". Sometimes, even in the midst of my grief, I feel like my cup is running over.

Olivia did a very precious thing the other week. We were on the way to the shrimp boil the day before Tammy's wedding and Brad and I were talking about Mother's Day and what a gift it was that we had that great day with Mama. I started crying and Olivia said, "Mama, maybe a song will help you feel better". So...she started singing, "this is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it....". So, that's what I did that day. I rejoiced with our friend Tammy. And....the next day...I rejoiced again at her wedding.

There is something to rejoice in everday.....my little girls, my husband, my friends, my family. There is so much to be thankful for. I am richly blessed.

The world doesn't stop....

Summer is slipping by. I feel like I haven't really had a summer....not the summer I had planned anyway. I had great plans for this summer. I was going to paint my living room, bedroom, hallway and hall bath. I was going to take my girls to a pool somewhere at least once a week. We were going to see every free summer movie. I was going to get all of my ducks in a row for homeschooling. I was going to CLEAN OUT stuff. So far.....none of that has been accomplished. Instead, I spent many hours at the bedside of my precious mama. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

I miss her so much - I ache. I see people going on with their lives...talking about things and doing things that seem so unimportant. I think....how can they being doing/saying that....don't they know my mama is dead? But I know that is crazy thinking on my part. Of course, life goes on. The world is not gonna stop for my broken heart.

I am moving on....slowly. Today, I am cleaning my house. It's taking me awhile...it's so filthy. My mama would have a fit if she saw how nasty I've let it get. I'm packing for our trip to Charleston this weekend - our wonderful friend Tammy is getting married. I'm picking out paint colors. I'm planning movies and playdates and fun things for my girls. I'm blogging. I'm trying.

Someone told me I would never be the same. I think they are right. I feel different. My mama was my firm foundation. I can't hug her. I can't talk to her. I can't see her except in my mind or a picture. I know she knows how much I loved her. I have no regrets.

I have so many wonderful friends and family who have checked on me, fed me, sent me cards and prayed for me. I am so thankful. I have the best husband who lets me just cry. I have precious children who dry my tears. God has blessed me and He is faithful. He is with me as my heart aches. He knows me. He understands my pain. He is my peace and comfort.

"The Lord your God is with you; the mighty one will save you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you." Zephaniah 3:17

A Beautiful Day

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. There is a breeze. And....low humidity - in July!! It's the perfect day for a wedding! My beautiful niece, Lynsay is getting married today! She's getting married outside - so the weather being great is an extra special blessing.

My sweet Lynsay was born when I was 18. I desperately wanted her to be a nephew, but when I saw her for the first time through the nursery glass - so tiny and beautiful and perfect, I remember thinking, "How could I have wanted her to be a boy? She is perfect just the way she is!" I have so many wonderful memories of my sweet Lynsay! She was a precious little girl and she has grown into a beautiful woman!

I am praying God's blessings today on Lynsay and Shane and the life that they are beginning together. May God give them a lifetime of love, joy, happiness and His abundant blessings. Most of all, I pray that they always remember this day that they pledge their love and committment to God, each other and their marriage.

To be like her...

I've been thinking a lot about my mama and the kind of woman she was and wanted to share a few things:

First, she was a great mother! She loved with her whole heart. She hugged me every day. She told me that hugs make you feel better and she was right. She not only hugged me, but all of my friends or anyone she knew that she happened to run into. She told me that she loved me every single day. She played ball with me and friends in the front yard. She danced with us. Most of all, she laughed with us. All of my friends loved her.

My mama was a great cook. Most people think that about their mom's, but mine really was. She made homemade biscuits almost every day. She made the best "from scratch" banana pudding and she let me help her beat the egg whites for the meringue. She always made something hot for me to eat for breakfast.

My mama kept a clean house. You could eat off her floor. There was a place for everything.

My mama loved people. She loved to talk. She was outgoing. She never met a stranger. Even in the last years, she would hardly ever stay in her room. She was always out in the hallways or common areas - wherever the people were.

My mama had lots of energy. She was always moving. After she had her stroke years ago and was in a wheelchair, she kept that chair moving. When she wasn't rolling around, she was pushing the chair up and back with her foot.

In almost every picture I have of my mama, she has her mouth open. I think this is because she was always talking or about to talk.

My mama liked to look good. She always dressed nice and her hair had to be just so. She really worried with that hair! She loved to shop at Belk's. When I was a little girl, we shopped for everything at Belk's in downtown Greenville.

My mama always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I worked for it. She told me that I was beautiful and made me believe it. She told me if I acted as pretty as I was, I would do alright. She gave me confidence and encouragement. I could tell her anything. No one loves you like your mama.

I miss her so much. But she is in the presence of the Lord! She is whole! She is pain free! She is walking and talking and praising! I am so thankful for that peace. I will see her again. Until then....I want to be like her.

Mercy and Comfort

I've started to blog a few times but just couldn't. I still may not be ready....but I think it will be good for me.

My mom went to be with the Lord on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 around 12:45 p.m. I was with her. My brother, Steve was there. Brad and the girls were there. My niece, Sherry was there.

God is so merciful. My prayers were answered. She did not linger long after we got the word that they would make her comfortable. It was less than 24 hours. She went peacefully. She did not struggle for breath. She just stopped breathing.

Steve and I spent a lot of time together last week and one thing we decided is that we wanted to celebrate Mama's life when the time came. I think we did that at her funeral last week. I hope that everyone there got a glimpse of the remarkable woman that she was.

My friends and family have been so good to me. I can feel all the love and prayers. God is giving me comfort through all of you. Thank you.

Going Home.

My mom had a horrible night last night (Monday night). She was in so much pain. It was unbearable to watch. She was vomiting and nauseated and could not get comfortable. Today, the CT scan results are not good. It seems that her liver is retracted, her colon burst, a bowel obstruction, pneumonia in both lungs and a few more things I cannot think of right now. Her chance of survival with surgery is less than 5% with all of these things against her. They are keeping her comfortable with morphine. She seems to be resting. Her breathing is labored already. We don't know how long it will be. I came home for a shower, but am heading back to spend the night.

Please pray that she goes peacefully and with no pain. This morning she told me that if she dies today she will be in Heaven. I am praying for a great homecoming for her with her Savior and all her loved ones who have gone before her - my dad, her parents and many siblings. What a rejoicing there will be. I am so thankful I have had her all these years. I am blessed.

Waiting...

Today I woke up with a powerful migraine. Maybe I'm stressed out? Anyway, Steve (my brother) went over to the hospital this morning to speak with the doctor. He ended up talking to the Nurse Practioner (same one as last stay) and then I went over a little later and spoke with her. According to the report from x-ray, there is a good possibility there is a partial bowel obstuction. They are treating Mama with IV medication for 24 hours and nothing by mouth to rest her bowels.

So....sometime tomorrow we will re-evaulate. They'll see what the medication does and probably do a CT scan of her abdomen. If there is a an obstruction, surgery is the only way to correct it. Can she endure or survive another surgery? And, if we don't do surgery? She will die for sure.

So, we are waiting and trusting and most of all praying for comfort for our Mama, for God's wisdom for us in the decisions ahead.

Hospital again.

My mom had to go back into the hospital today. She was throwing up green bile and they sent her to the ER. The ER doctor told us (after x-ray) that she could have bowel ileus (slow working of the bowels) or bowel obstruction. They admitted her, started IV fluids and did a lot of bloodwork. Finally, after 8 hours in the ER, she was sent to a room. She was resting when I left her. Please pray that there is no bowel obstruction - that would mean surgery and I don't know that she can endure another one. Still....God is so good. He is in control. I trust Him.

Summing it up...

Since today is Friday, I'm gonna do a little recap of my week:

Sunday started the not so good with my Mama having a bad day. As the week went on...she improved and was able to be discharged from the hospital. She's had 2 really great days back at the nursing home and I am so thankful!!! She seems more like her old self! Even her speech is back! GOD is GREAT!!!

I've been a little stressed this week with all that has gone on with Mama plus Olivia is testing her boundaries (BIG TIME). I am praying that I handle her with wisdom and in a way that is pleasing to God. Brad and I have punished her, talked to her, read her scripture, prayed with her, prayed for her, prayed for ourselves.... Pray with us that we can get through this season soon!!!!

Olivia started an acting workshop at Foothills Playhouse this week. It's a 2 week workshop from 9am-12 noon. She LOVES it!!! (Thanks, Mimi!) Hopefully, having something to do everyday will help her.

Caroline loved going with me to see Mama at the hospital. She went with me twice this week and was so cute! She filled her purse up with a few toys and put her little purse on her shoulder and carried it into the hosptial. She thought she was such a big girl!! Olivia did not want to go the hospital. I think she was anxious...I'm sure she heard some of my conversations with Brad.

Yesterday, I put a little sundress on Caroline and she said, "I Cinderella, Mommy". Precious.

I am ready for the weekend....no hospital...Brad won't be working. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, right? God is so good. He's so good to me.

So far, so good.

Mama had a good night last night and a good day today. I went over at lunch and took her a Frosty. She drank the whole thing! This is BIG! She also ate a piece of bread. And....she knew I was Karen! Things are looking up!

Thank you so much for all the prayers. I know that God heard them and answered them according to His perfect will! I am so thankful! Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!! How I love Him more and more!!!

Home!

Well, finally....Mama was discharged today. She had a great day! All of her levels were good. She was awake and in good spirits - laughing and talking! It was so good to see her like that after all these bad days!

She finally got back to the nursing home around 5pm. Her sweet roommate, Helen has missed her so much! As soon as she saw Mama she started crying (she's always laughing or crying). I asked her if it was a happy cry and she just nodded. Sweet. I said to Mama, "Miss Helen is glad to see you, Mama". Mama said, "I'd be glad to see her too if I knew who she was." Hilarious! I guess "out of sight out of mind", huh?

What is interesting to me is that my mama has called me Karen the whole time she's been in the hospital. 12 long days! She is usually more confused if she is in the hospital or out of her normal routine. Not only did she call me Karen, she knew I was her daughter and Caroline is her granddaughter. She also knew Steve was her son and she usually thinks he's her brother. Even through all the ups and downs, I take this as a gift. Tomorrow, I may go and be right back to being Adell (her sister), but this time that she has known me has been sweet.

God is so good. He's so good to me.

Hopeful...

It looks like tomorrow may be the discharge day! I am hopeful, but realistic. They have been telling me maybe tomorrow for about 3 days now.

Mama seems to be doing better. She's sleeping a lot and very weak. She is not eating much at all and not able to really keep in what she eats and drinks. Her stool tested negative for bacteria. Her potassium is still low and they are giving her that via IV today. She has gone down to 3 liters of oxygen. She was tearful this afternoon.

So....tomorrow is another day. We'll see what happens. God is in control. He knows what is going to happen already and I trust Him.

Thank you for praying.

The good, the bad, and the yucky.

Well, I am back from the hospital and my head is spinning.

Mama has not thrown up since this morning. Good. She has diarrhea. Bad. She is talking and more alert. Good. She doesn't want to eat. Bad. She DID eat a little chocolate pudding. Good. They thought she could have a blood clot. Bad. They determined that she doesn't have a blood clot. Good. WHEW!!!!!

Yesterday, I went in and the nurse told me the doctor (different one) had been in and Mama has pneumonia. She was on the oxygen mask with 10 liters of oxygen. She had diarrhea yesterday. She slept most of the day. Her breathing was labored. I talked with the nursing home and they said they could hold her bed until Sunday (tomorrow). We can private pay to hold the bed.

Today, Mama threw up this morning, but is alert and talking. She still has diarrhea. She coughed one time and told me "I think I sh-- in my pants". Bless her heart. The nurse practioner came in and talked to me. She told me she doesn't think it's pneumonia. She thinks it could be a blood clot. So...they send her down for a CT scan and told me we may not have results until tomorrow. After I came home, the NP called me and they have the results already....NO blood clot. She said there are pockets of fluid in her lower lung that could be pneumonia. She is already on antiobiotics for pneumonia. They have weaned her down to the nasal cannula with 5 liters of oxygen. They are starting her on oral meds tonight. All of this is good news! She may be discharged tomorrow or Monday.

WHEW! God is good and faithful. I want to be positive and believe things are getting better, but it seems like just when I start to believe - the rug is pulled out from under me! I am going to be positive, though - believing and praying for God's healing.

God is so good. He's so good to me.

Pneumonia

What a difference a day can make. Yesterday was much different from the day before. Mama has developed pneumonia. Her potassium is low. She is also on a full oxygen mask with 10 liters of oxygen. She is taking such big breaths. She slept most of the day yesterday. She had no energy. However, when she talked, it was clear. She asked me, "What is the matter with me?" She also called me Karen. I asked her who I am to her and she said "You're my daughter and I love you." That was a sweet thing to hear.

I just called to check on her and her nurse said she is not good. She is throwing up bile now because she has nothing else in her stomach to throw up. I'm getting ready to head over there.

Please keep praying for her comfort most of all.

Getting better...

I call first thing every morning to check on Mama. This morning they told me that she threw up during the night last night. I was horrified when they told me - thinking how Mama would not know what button to push to call for help! I fretted over how she would have lain there icky and sick for who knows how long!!!! I fretted that she could have aspirated!! I fretted that she was scared!! But...God calmed my fears and my anxiety. I spoke with the Nurse Practioner when I got there today and she told me that they did a chest x-ray and Mama did not aspirate. They are planning to send her home tomorrow or Saturday. If she is not back at the nursing home by Sunday, she will lose her bed there. This would be a terrible thing! Her nursing home is 10 minutes from my house and beds are so hard to find closeby! We could end up with a bed in NC!

So, today, Mama sat up in the chair for a while. She even ate a little pudding and chicken broth for me! She coughed up a bunch of junk (this is a good thing, as she has not been strong enough to cough since the surgery). And guess what else???? Her speech was a LOT better!!! I could understand much of what she was saying today. I am so thankful! I took Caroline with me today and Mama told the nurse (a little slurred) that was her grandbaby.

Thank you again for all of your prayers!!! Please continue to pray that she will be strong enough to be discharged in the next few days.

I am still encouraged. God is my ROCK. I will cast all my cares on Him!

A New Day

So...today seems a little better. Mama's blood pressure has stayed up for a couple of days now. Her temp actually went all the way down to 98.6 this morning. It was up to 100.7 by the afternoon. She was very restless and trying to talk when I first got to the hospital today. She seems to calm down with me there. The nurse even commented on it. I'm sure she is confused and it helps to see a familiar face. Very clearly today she said "When are you coming back?" as I was leaving. Other words were jumbled, but I am encouraged.

I appreciate so much all the words of encouragement, thoughts, prayers, comments and offers to help from so many! You will never know how much it means to have such support.

Keep praying! Mama is strong. God is faithful. And through it all.....I am blessed!

Me and Mama

This picture was taken on Mother's Day 2009.

Ups and Downs

My mom is in the hospital. Some of you know that. She was admitted Thursday night (or more like Friday morning). She was throwing up blood. She's 84. She's tough. You already know that. I hope she can hang tough now.

My brother and I left the hospital Friday morning after they told us that Mama probably had a bleeding ulcer and they were going to treat her for that. Her xray looked clear - no air pockets (which means a rupture). Then, the nurse calls me at 9:00 a.m and tells me that the doctor wants to do emergency surgery! WHAT??? I talked with the doctor on the phone and he told me that there were risks for surgery - pneumonia, stroke, bleeding, etc. But, if he didn't operate, she would die. They did surgery and found NO ruptures!! Her stomach was full of blood and the doctor said it was probably a bleeding ulcer. It was hard to know how to feel. Of course, we were happy there were no ruptures, but our sweet 84 year old mother had to go through a risky abdominal surgery!!!

She spent 2 nights in CCU and during that time her oxygen level went down and they couldn't get it back up until they used a mask. Her blood pressure stayed very low. They had a tube in her stomach pumping out blood. They kept sticking her (and bruising her) for IV sights.

On Sunday morning, they moved her to a regular room. I thought things were getting better. On Sunday afternoon, she spiked a temp of nearly 103 and her blood pressure kept staying low. Her hemoglobin dropped very low and they gave her 2 units of blood.

On Monday morning, I talked with the nurse practicioner who told that she could be in congestive heart failure and to prepare myself. They ordered a chest xray. I also noticed that her right hand was curled and she was having trouble talking. I believe she has had a stroke. The nurse practicioner agreed but said that nothing could be done.

Today, the chest xray showed a little fluid behind her right lung but they tell me that it is not a concern. The doctor put her on clear liquids. Her blood pressure is up. Her temp is hovering around 100.7. The N.P. said we'll just take it one day at a time.

So....we are taking this one day at a time...the ups and the downs. I'm spinning. Sometimes my head feels like it is going to explode. My mama was asking for Karen today. I was right beside her. The nurse told me that Mama said "Kiss my a--" very clearly when she was bathing her. Cussing is always a good sign, right? :-)

Please pray for my mama. Pray God's comfort for her no matter what.

Storms

It stormed here Thursday night. It was right at bedtime. Thankfully, Caroline was already asleep. Olivia was just about to get into bed and it started. It was thundering so loud! Lightning seemed so close! We snuggled up together in her bed. She wanted me to comfort her because she was scared of the storm. We prayed. I got up to check on something and came back and she was asleep. God gave her peace to go to sleep. She knew she was safe - her mommy was close and her Heavenly Father was right there with her.

Late Friday afternoon, I went out on the deck and a huge pine tree was laying across our back yard! I didn't hear it fall. It was right behind the girls' rooms. Right off I started thinking of all the things I was thankful for: the tree was not near enough to the house that it would hit the girls' rooms. It didn't hit the deck or the swing set. None of the trees that are near the dog kennel fell onto our precious dog, Daisy. God protected our children, our home, and our dog. God is our refuge.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though it's waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging". Psalm 46:1-3

I've been thinking on this verse since Friday night. God is our protector. He's our source. He's our refuge. He's our Father, our Savior, our Lord, our strength, and our constant companion. Isn't it great how we can talk to Him anytime? He's always listening. Olivia knows this already.

She scraped her knee really hard last week. She asked me almost every day to pray for her knee. She asked me to pray the night of the storm. Friday afternoon, we were at a ladies house trying on a dress (dresses being made for my nieces wedding) and it started storming. We don't know this lady very well. This was only the 2nd or 3rd time we have met her and Olivia asked me to pray about the storm. I don't know if the lady is a believer or what she thought, but I prayed with Olivia right then. Olivia didn't hesistate to ask me to pray. She knows that God is our source. She knows that we can pray about anything anywhere. I want to be more like Olivia.

God is our refuge. He calms the storms....not just thunderstorms...but all the storms in our lives: financial problems, jobs, family, sickness, addictions - everything. He is our shelter. He is our strength. I want to talk to him more - just like Olivia.

Girls at the Gap

Women need each other. Who else could understand us???

A few weeks ago, a lady in our church offered her home away from home up at Gap Creek for the ladies of our church to have a Girls Night at the Gap. She was so excited! She kept calling me the week before telling me howexcited she was and asking if I was excited. Well, I just hadn't had much time to think about being excited. You know....2 little girls, dirty house, new dog, surprise birthday party for our Mimi, wedding shower for my niece, handsome husband.....my plate was full! I could have so easily stayed home that Friday night. But I didn't. How could I disappoint my sweet friend?

WOW! I would have missed such a blessing if I had not gone and spent time with these wonderful women! Some were old friends that I hadn't had much time with lately. Some of them were women that I just haven't had a chance to get to know yet. It was such a sweet time of fellowship. It will be a memory I hold dear.

Thank you sweet friend - for your enthusiasm, generosity, love, friendship and a wonderful retreat!

Gifts

I am a blessed woman. I have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to explode!

This morning, Olivia got up and first thing said, "Happy Mother's Day, Mama. Me and Caroline made you a card." Brad brought my coffee (he does this every day - not just Mother's Day). Then, the girls and I piled up in the recliner and opened my gift. Caroline was so excited to help! I now have a beautiful summer purse! I am thankful.

Today, the children stayed in the service at church. No children's church. Brad sat us down on the very front row. My girls behaved like angels. I am thankful.

After church, I picked my mom up and brought her here for lunch. I don't take her out very often. It really confuses her. She was a little iffy about going out...they were about to have a party at her place and she doesn't like to miss anything. I convinced her that she would have more fun going with me....and she did. We had a great day together. Brad's mom came over and my other mom, Penny (another blog post) came. My brother and nephew came by. Mama was with it today. She seemed less confused than normal. She called me Karen all day. I told her that I had a great day today with her and she said, "I had a great day with you. I'll always remember it." She won't always remember coming here on Mother's Day. She's probably already forgotten. She will remember that she had a good day, though. She will remember that she is loved and that she loves. I am thankful.

Caroline wrapped her little arms around my neck tonight and I rocked her to sleep. I am blessed.

Olivia went to bed willingly and we finished a Junie B. Jones book. There was a sentence in there about how having money is all that's important. I said, "that's not true" and Olivia said, "having a family that loves you is more important than having money." I am thankful.

I had so many gifts today....homemade cards, a new purse, coffee delivered by my handsome husband, well behaved children at church, a sweet time of fellowship with my church family, time with all of my mom's, Brad cooking lunch AND cleaning up, being called Karen all day by my mom, and my sweet girls cooperating at bedtime.

God is good. God is faithful. I am thankful. I am blessed.

Mama

I've been thinking about my mom a lot more lately. Maybe it's because Mother's Day is this weekend. Maybe it's because I'm reading a book about old ladies in a nursing home (my mom is in a nursing home). Maybe God put her heavy on my heart for a specific reason. The girls and I went to see her yesterday. I don't go as much as I should. There's so much to do all the time. I don't' make the time. I feel guilty. All she has is time and that's all she wants from me.

My mom is amazing. She is strong. She is sweet. She is fun. She is fiesty. She is loyal. She is beautiful. She is loving and encouraging. She always told me that I was beautiful and made me believe it. She always told me that I could do or be anything that I wanted to be. She gives the best hugs.

Most of the time when I visit her, she calls me Adell (her sister). When someone comes in while I'm there, she introduces me as her sister. She knows I am someone who loves her. She knows that she loves me. If I say, "you know that I'm your daughter, right?" - she will say "yes, you're Karen". And sometimes, she says something that really makes me feel like she knows who I am. Those moments are rare and precious. I miss her.

On this Mother's Day weekend, I want to give thanks to God for giving me the best Mother ever. I love you, Mama.

Eating out of her hands....

I remember thinking that Olivia was so strong willed at 3 years old! Whew! She challenged me. She pushed me. She exhausted me. Then....I had Caroline! Olivia is mild and complacent in comparison! Caroline defines strong willed. She has a fierce temper, but also a fierce loving spirit. She knows what she wants and accepts no less. She is a leader. And...she has people and dogs eating out of her hands!

Caroline is a Daddy's girl. She thinks he hung the moon. She squeals and runs for the door when he comes home from work. It thrills him, of course. She has her Daddy wrapped. She also has her Mimi wrapped. She asks for something and then says "Call Mimi". Hilarious! She seems to think that Mimi is her fairy godmother. (I have another fairy godmother story that I'll save for another post). I asked Caroline if she thinks Mimi will buy her something if we call her and Caroline says, "If I say so". That girl!

Well, now we have this sweet dog, Daisy. She is really Olivia's dog since Olivia prayed for her (another blog soon). But, we have all fallen for Daisy. Caroline has Daisy eating out of her hands....literally. When we go out to feed her, Caroline sits down and puts Daisy's food bowl between her legs, scoops up some dog food into her hands and Daisy eats that way. She gently takes the food right out of Caroline's hands! She doesn't gobble. She doesn't nip. She just takes whatever Caroline offers her. It's so sweet.

Caroline is a Daddy's girl....but she has her Mommy's heart (and temper)!

Here she is.....!

Just wanted to add a picture of Malibu Barbie!

1971

1971 was a good year. I was 6 years old. Life was easy. I had a new Barbie. She was Malibu Barbie and she came in a cute aqua swimsuit with sunglasses and a beach towel.
I had kinda forgotten about Malibu Barbie until late November 2002. I was shopping in Walmart and saw her on the shelf! WOW!! I burst into tears on the spot!! I was flooded with memories of playing with that Barbie! I loved Barbies as a little girl. I played with them every day! And....I was pregnant with my little girl, Olivia when I saw that Barbie in Walmart that day. I had to have her for Olivia. I held back. I didn't get her that day. I came home and told Brad about her and he encouraged me to go back and get her. So...I did. She was under the tree for Olivia on Christmas morning. Olivia was only 3 weeks old then. She was way too young to play with or appreciate Malibu Barbie. So, I put her up in the top of Olivia's closet. She has been there for over 6 years now. Every now and then Olivia will ask for her. I say...."no, she is special". She will wait a few months and ask again and I say..."no, she needs to stay in the box".
Last night, Olivia spied her again as we were getting ready for bed. Of course, she asked to have her. This time....I gave in. Olivia was thrilled!!! We made an agreement that Olivia would treat Malibu Barbie better than she treats all the other Barbie's in the playroom. Olivia slept with that Barbie last night. She took her to school today for show and tell. She wanted to show her class that she had a Barbie just like her Mama had in 1971 (she asked me the year all the way to school).
Malibu Barbie is special. She is even more special out of the box and the hands of my little girl...who will love her like I loved my dolls...only maybe she will be loved even more because she is like the one I had. Maybe that is what will make her different for Olivia. It doesn't matter about keeping her in a box. She needs to be used, played with, messed up and loved.

Celebrations

What a wonderful weekend!

Today was our dog, Daisy's 2nd birthday....and her 2 week anniversary of living at our house. We only celebrated the birthday, though. Olivia is a party girl. She loves to celebrate....anything and everything. Last month, we had a birthday party for our goldfish Belle and Jasmine. They had been with us for one year on March 17. I awoke that morning to the sound of the "Happy Birthday" song by Olivia and Caroline. They were singing to the fish. It was an important day.

Olivia has been planning this little celebration for the dog since the first day Daisy came to live with us. She gathered up a "table curtain", snacks (Goldfish and Wheat Thins), paper plates, cups and drink and we had a party at the picnic table!

I need to learn from Olivia. Celebrate. Celebrate the ones we love. Do special things for special people (or dogs or fish). Don't hold back. Make the extra effort. Take the time. It's worth it.

Santa and The Tooth Fairy

We had a great Easter weekend. We spent time at home. We went to church. We had an Easter lunch. We did a little yard work (mostly cleaning up junk). We got ready for the Easter Bunny. Only....I don't pretend that the Easter Bunny comes. I never have. My parents never did. It's never been a tradition for me. Maybe I should have thought this through before we started with Santa and the Tooth Fairy because my Olivia, my sweet little 6 year old has figured it out! She's been asking Santa questions since before Christmas. Brad and I talked about it and decided that if she ever just point blank asked us, we would, of course, tell her the truth. So...Saturday night as we were getting ready to pray, she asked about the Tooth Fairy, which led, of course to Santa. I called Brad in for reinforcement. We hemmed and hawed and answered questions with questions until finally she said "Come on guys, tell me the truth!" It was hilarious and sad at the same time. She promises not to ruin the fun for others. So far...so good. But, it's only been a few days! Our main objective has always been that our children know the real reason we celebrate Christmas and Easter. Jesus....our Savior who was born and then died....all for us. And guess what??? She gets it!! We know Caroline will one day, too!

My very first post!!

Wow! I am typing my very first blog. I'm really not sure how this all works, but I'm going to give it a try!

I have been keeping a journal for Olivia and Caroline since they were babies. I wanted to remember all the sweet things about them and I wanted it to be something they could look at one day and enjoy reading. I thought this blog might be another way to remember these wonderful days that you think you will never forget. The things they say and do are so precious (most of the time!). Sometimes, I wish I could freeze time, but then time passes and I realize that it just keeps getting better! Every day of their life is special. Every milestone is unique and wonderful!