Summer is slipping by. I feel like I haven't really had a summer....not the summer I had planned anyway. I had great plans for this summer. I was going to paint my living room, bedroom, hallway and hall bath. I was going to take my girls to a pool somewhere at least once a week. We were going to see every free summer movie. I was going to get all of my ducks in a row for homeschooling. I was going to CLEAN OUT stuff. So far.....none of that has been accomplished. Instead, I spent many hours at the bedside of my precious mama. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
I miss her so much - I ache. I see people going on with their lives...talking about things and doing things that seem so unimportant. I think....how can they being doing/saying that....don't they know my mama is dead? But I know that is crazy thinking on my part. Of course, life goes on. The world is not gonna stop for my broken heart.
I am moving on....slowly. Today, I am cleaning my house. It's taking me awhile...it's so filthy. My mama would have a fit if she saw how nasty I've let it get. I'm packing for our trip to Charleston this weekend - our wonderful friend Tammy is getting married. I'm picking out paint colors. I'm planning movies and playdates and fun things for my girls. I'm blogging. I'm trying.
Someone told me I would never be the same. I think they are right. I feel different. My mama was my firm foundation. I can't hug her. I can't talk to her. I can't see her except in my mind or a picture. I know she knows how much I loved her. I have no regrets.
I have so many wonderful friends and family who have checked on me, fed me, sent me cards and prayed for me. I am so thankful. I have the best husband who lets me just cry. I have precious children who dry my tears. God has blessed me and He is faithful. He is with me as my heart aches. He knows me. He understands my pain. He is my peace and comfort.
"The Lord your God is with you; the mighty one will save you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you." Zephaniah 3:17
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
A Beautiful Day
Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. There is a breeze. And....low humidity - in July!! It's the perfect day for a wedding! My beautiful niece, Lynsay is getting married today! She's getting married outside - so the weather being great is an extra special blessing.
My sweet Lynsay was born when I was 18. I desperately wanted her to be a nephew, but when I saw her for the first time through the nursery glass - so tiny and beautiful and perfect, I remember thinking, "How could I have wanted her to be a boy? She is perfect just the way she is!" I have so many wonderful memories of my sweet Lynsay! She was a precious little girl and she has grown into a beautiful woman!
I am praying God's blessings today on Lynsay and Shane and the life that they are beginning together. May God give them a lifetime of love, joy, happiness and His abundant blessings. Most of all, I pray that they always remember this day that they pledge their love and committment to God, each other and their marriage.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
To be like her...
I've been thinking a lot about my mama and the kind of woman she was and wanted to share a few things:
First, she was a great mother! She loved with her whole heart. She hugged me every day. She told me that hugs make you feel better and she was right. She not only hugged me, but all of my friends or anyone she knew that she happened to run into. She told me that she loved me every single day. She played ball with me and friends in the front yard. She danced with us. Most of all, she laughed with us. All of my friends loved her.
My mama was a great cook. Most people think that about their mom's, but mine really was. She made homemade biscuits almost every day. She made the best "from scratch" banana pudding and she let me help her beat the egg whites for the meringue. She always made something hot for me to eat for breakfast.
My mama kept a clean house. You could eat off her floor. There was a place for everything.
My mama loved people. She loved to talk. She was outgoing. She never met a stranger. Even in the last years, she would hardly ever stay in her room. She was always out in the hallways or common areas - wherever the people were.
My mama had lots of energy. She was always moving. After she had her stroke years ago and was in a wheelchair, she kept that chair moving. When she wasn't rolling around, she was pushing the chair up and back with her foot.
In almost every picture I have of my mama, she has her mouth open. I think this is because she was always talking or about to talk.
My mama liked to look good. She always dressed nice and her hair had to be just so. She really worried with that hair! She loved to shop at Belk's. When I was a little girl, we shopped for everything at Belk's in downtown Greenville.
My mama always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I worked for it. She told me that I was beautiful and made me believe it. She told me if I acted as pretty as I was, I would do alright. She gave me confidence and encouragement. I could tell her anything. No one loves you like your mama.
I miss her so much. But she is in the presence of the Lord! She is whole! She is pain free! She is walking and talking and praising! I am so thankful for that peace. I will see her again. Until then....I want to be like her.
First, she was a great mother! She loved with her whole heart. She hugged me every day. She told me that hugs make you feel better and she was right. She not only hugged me, but all of my friends or anyone she knew that she happened to run into. She told me that she loved me every single day. She played ball with me and friends in the front yard. She danced with us. Most of all, she laughed with us. All of my friends loved her.
My mama was a great cook. Most people think that about their mom's, but mine really was. She made homemade biscuits almost every day. She made the best "from scratch" banana pudding and she let me help her beat the egg whites for the meringue. She always made something hot for me to eat for breakfast.
My mama kept a clean house. You could eat off her floor. There was a place for everything.
My mama loved people. She loved to talk. She was outgoing. She never met a stranger. Even in the last years, she would hardly ever stay in her room. She was always out in the hallways or common areas - wherever the people were.
My mama had lots of energy. She was always moving. After she had her stroke years ago and was in a wheelchair, she kept that chair moving. When she wasn't rolling around, she was pushing the chair up and back with her foot.
In almost every picture I have of my mama, she has her mouth open. I think this is because she was always talking or about to talk.
My mama liked to look good. She always dressed nice and her hair had to be just so. She really worried with that hair! She loved to shop at Belk's. When I was a little girl, we shopped for everything at Belk's in downtown Greenville.
My mama always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I worked for it. She told me that I was beautiful and made me believe it. She told me if I acted as pretty as I was, I would do alright. She gave me confidence and encouragement. I could tell her anything. No one loves you like your mama.
I miss her so much. But she is in the presence of the Lord! She is whole! She is pain free! She is walking and talking and praising! I am so thankful for that peace. I will see her again. Until then....I want to be like her.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Mercy and Comfort
I've started to blog a few times but just couldn't. I still may not be ready....but I think it will be good for me.
My mom went to be with the Lord on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 around 12:45 p.m. I was with her. My brother, Steve was there. Brad and the girls were there. My niece, Sherry was there.
God is so merciful. My prayers were answered. She did not linger long after we got the word that they would make her comfortable. It was less than 24 hours. She went peacefully. She did not struggle for breath. She just stopped breathing.
Steve and I spent a lot of time together last week and one thing we decided is that we wanted to celebrate Mama's life when the time came. I think we did that at her funeral last week. I hope that everyone there got a glimpse of the remarkable woman that she was.
My friends and family have been so good to me. I can feel all the love and prayers. God is giving me comfort through all of you. Thank you.
My mom went to be with the Lord on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 around 12:45 p.m. I was with her. My brother, Steve was there. Brad and the girls were there. My niece, Sherry was there.
God is so merciful. My prayers were answered. She did not linger long after we got the word that they would make her comfortable. It was less than 24 hours. She went peacefully. She did not struggle for breath. She just stopped breathing.
Steve and I spent a lot of time together last week and one thing we decided is that we wanted to celebrate Mama's life when the time came. I think we did that at her funeral last week. I hope that everyone there got a glimpse of the remarkable woman that she was.
My friends and family have been so good to me. I can feel all the love and prayers. God is giving me comfort through all of you. Thank you.
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