Random Thoughts

I haven't blogged in a while. We have been busy, busy. I'll try to catch up quickly! We traveled with Brad to conferences 2 weekends back to back. The first conference was near Williamsburg, VA (check out my facebook pictures) and the girls were both sick (virus) that first night! They felt better by Saturday when Brad was done at his conference and we were ready to explore Colonial Williamsburg! We had such a good time!! What a blessing that God has allowed me to homeschool so that Olivia studied Colonial Times the week before we went! And....that we were able to see Williamsburg for FREE!!! We were home for 2 days, took Olivia to the ENT, scheduled a tonsillectomy and started packing for Myrtle Beach! Just as I was doubting our decision regarding the surgery, Olivia woke up with strep AGAIN! So....we postponed leaving for MB for a few hours until her antibiotic could kick in. Olivia, Caroline and I ALL had the most horrible stomach virus while we were at the beach!!!! OH MY!!!!!!!!! And, in the midst of all of our travels, we are delivering Girl Scout Cookies! Anyway, we are glad to be home now and so ready for SPRING!

Speaking of Spring - Olivia was SO excited yesterday because I let her wear a short sleeve shirt and flip flops! That girl talked about Spring ALL day!!! Isn't it great how such a thing as small a short sleeves made her day??? :)

And speaking of home - Caroline LOVES home! Every time we turn onto our road, she says "Home Sweet Home"! What a sweet sound!!!

Today, Caroline wore her green to school and took a green snack to share with her tiends (friends). Olivia is doing her workbooks (and whining a little) and poor Brad is in bed with the horrible stomach virus.

For me, today: in spite of stomach bugs, strep throat and tonsillectomy's, Girl Scout cookies and long sleeves, I will rejoice!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

Happy LATE Valentine's Day!

First - Happy LATE Valentine's Day to all of my readers! I hope all four of you had a great day! I am so excited to find this post! I thought I had lost it!! And....there it was....just waiting in my drafts! I almost didn't post it this late, but I put my heart into this post....so here it is....

I did not always "enjoy" Valentine's Day. At work, I would watch as all the ladies received their flowers and I sat with none. At home, I sat alone wishing I had a Valentine date and yep....feeling sorry for myself. One year, I even wrote a poem about it. :) It was funny, if I do say so myself.

The past 9 years have been the best of my life. Not just because I have a Valentine now, but because I have Brad. Every day I wake up knowing how blessed I am to have someone who loves me so unselfishly. God is so good to me. He not only gave me Brad, but my two precious little girls. He knew what I needed as I watched all those women with their flowers and dates. He knew my time was coming.....in His time. What a blessing to wait for God's best!

Brad and I celebrated our first Valentine's Day in February 2001. We had only been married for a few months. I woke up early to find a little stuffed bear with a rose and note giving me a clue to another location in the house. This continued until I found 12 roses and 12 clues hidden all over the house until I reached the final prize - a Brighton watch that I had mentioned in passing months before Valentine's Day. I loved that watch, but what I loved more was the time and thought that Brad put into each little clue that he had written out. This is such a sweet memory for me.

Our Valentine's celebrations have changed through the years. Now, Brad has 3 girls to buy roses and candy for. The girls love being treated special by their Daddy and I love that they have a Daddy who shows them how they should be treated.

God is so good to me!!

"Praise the Lord, all you nations, extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117

Ta Da!!!!!

My sweet Caroline is finally pee peeing on the potty!! Yes, she is 4 years old. She turned 4 in December. I would have never guessed it would take this long! We have tried several times before and she has just pee peed all over the place - would not even try to make it to the potty. It was so frustrating!

Well, weekend before last, I told her "no more pullups, you are 4 years old". She pitched a little fit and wanted her pullup, but I made her wear the panties. She did GREAT!!! She only had a couple of accidents that day! We worked on pottying all weekend and even had an extra day (MLK Day) to practice. By that following Tuesday, she was doing wonderfully - even making big stinky on the potty!!

She is so proud of herself! When she made her first big stinky, she said, "Look! It looks like a snake!" I cannot believe all of that was in my child! I had to call Brad and Olivia in to witness! Seriously, it stopped up the toilet!

After she pee pees, she stands up and says, "Ta Da"! She has gone 3 whole days now with no accidents at all! She is even waking up dry most mornings (still using pullups at night). My girl!! I am so proud of her! It took her a while, but when she did it, she really did it! TA DA!!!!!!

Looking Back...

It's hard to believe that 2010 is here. I was thinking today that my children have not lived in the 1900's. WOW!!

2009 was a year of change for me and my family. Some were good and some were very very hard.

Changes in 2009:

Olivia was baptized March 22.
Our Mimi (adopted grandmother) turned 60. (She may not think this one is good).
Olivia graduated from K5.
Our church merged with another church.
Olivia went to her first summer camp.
My mama went to Heaven.
My niece Lynsay married her highschool sweetheart.
My dear friend Tammy married her prince.
God blessed us with a new vehicle (new to us).
We found a new church home.
Caroline started K3 5 days a week.
I started homeschooling Olivia first grade.
We had a chance to travel to Memphis, Birmingham and Atlanta with Brad for his work.
We also were able to go to the beach twice.

Some of the changes this year have been very emotional for me. It's hard to even put it into words. God's grace has been sufficient for me. His mercies are neverending. He is faithful. He is good. He has been with me every step. I am looking forward to this new year and the hope that God gives. It's gonna be good.

Reminders

Christmas is almost here and it is a bittersweet one for me this year. I have many sweet memories of my mom and Christmas. This first one without her is so hard.

Everywhere I turn, I am reminded of her. I was Christmas shopping in Belk's (her favorite store) and for a second I thought "I need to find something for mama" and then realized that I won't be doing that this year or ever again. I was in the grocery store and saw chocolate covered cherries - reminding me how much she loved them. I would always buy them for her this time of year. She loved all sweets. I used to take her milkshakes and candy bars - she never gained weight.

I guess the most poignant reminder of her this season has been her iron skillet. I dug it out yesterday to make cornbread for dressing. This is only my second attempt at dressing - we'll see how it goes. Anyway, my mama used that skillet almost everyday. She made cornbread for our family. I thought about how she would make her cornbread and how she taught me how. I can remember her showing me how to grease the pan up with lard and showing me just how "soupy" the batter should be. She told me never leave the pan wet. "Wash it and dry it immediately". "Take care of your pots and pans", she said.

My mama taught me so many things. I miss her so much. I know she would not come back here and who could blame her? She is with our Savior....in His precense- praising Him, walking, dancing, rejoicing. She is well. She is new. She has everlasting life because she knows Him. I am thankful that I have that promise, too.

Catching up

I just noticed that I have not blogged since September 30! I can't believe it's been so long. I kept thinking that I really didn't have anything to say. Maybe I was just too busy to say it. :)

We had a really busy October. We were at Myrtle Beach for our vacation the first full week. It was really nice. The weather was good. There was a little rain, but not too bad. The pools were heated and they had a lazy river that the girls really enjoyed. Every year, I say we're not going to the beach that late in the season, but we always end up doing just that!

Homeschooling is going good. We have settled into a routine that works for us - morning school for Olivia while Caroline is at preschool. We took our first field trip to Happy Cow Creamery. I think I enjoyed it more than Olivia! We are going to a co-op every week and I think I am beginning to get the hang of everything.

Christmas is fast approaching and I am trying not to dread it. I know it will be tough - the first one without my mom.

Caroline talks about my mom all the time. I think she is trying to understand her being in heaven and not being able to see her. She has been extremely attached to me since mama died. At first, I thought it was because I was away from her so much being at the hospital with mama, but now I am wondering - does she think I will leave and not come back like Nana Allie?

On to more recent events: Last night, the wind whipped and the rain poured....and....I heard a big crash! I thought lightening had hit the house! I ran to look out the front door and I could see sparks in the trees out front. I heard crackling. The power flickered on and off and finally went out completely. I ran and woke the girls ready to get them out of the house! I was so scared that the house was on fire. Brad was at work. I panicked. I realized (after the girls were jerked awake and crying) that a tree had blown over and hit the transformer across the street! Needless to say we had a very restless night! The power came back on at 4:40 a.m.

During all the craziness of the power outage, Olivia was crying and so scared. I felt horrible that I had woke her! She fretted and fretted and talked and talked. We prayed and asked God to calm us - to be with us and comfort us. She settled right down after that and so did I. God is always with us -ready to comfort and calm us - all we have to do is ask.

I love being a mother. When I was a little girl - I dreamed of it. I had to wait a looooong time, but God's timing is perfect. He has blessed me so!!!

He gives us the desires of our hearts.

My girls are growing up so fast! They are both so different and both so wonderful. I remember wondering when I was pregnant with Caroline if I could love her as much as I do Olivia. How silly! My heart just opened up and welcomed her right in!

Olivia is telling me that she knows what I'm thinking "cause she can read my brain". :) She is so creative - always making things and giving them to me. Olivia is a giver. I think gifts is her love language (she also likes to receive them). She always writes me notes that say "I love you" and wraps up gifts for all of us. She takes such good care of Caroline. Well....except for today when Caroline was screaming and Olivia couldn't hear the TV- Olivia bopped her then. But....that's another blog!

Caroline is talking non-stop. I can understand most of it now! She has really turned into a "mommy's girl", but when asked she will say that she's "mama's girl, daddy's girl and LaLa's girl". We were on a trip recently and she announced to everyone within 5 miles of the rest area that she "needs privacy!". She would not let me come into the stall with her. She has to do everything herself. We drove by Six Flags on our trip and she saw the big rollercoaster and she wanted to ride it. Brad told her it was very high and very fast. Her reply? "I'll hold on." She's got it all figured out. :)

What a joy these girls are to me! God is so good! He's so good to me!

Changes

I haven't blogged in a while. I was bringing myself down, so I knew that whoever read this was surely being brought down as well. I am starting to feel better - handling things better, I guess.

There have been so many changes for our family in the last few months. Olivia graduated from K5 in May. We left our church home (where we have been for the last 8 years) in June. My mom got sick and passed away in July. Life is so different without her. We visited many great churches over the summer and have finally found where God wants us to serve. We got a new vehicle (new to us). My niece got married this summer. Our dear friend, Tammy got married, too! So, this summer has been full of change - good and bad. That's what life is all about though. Nothing ever stays the same. Situations change. Cars wear out. People die. People get married. Children grow....

Olivia began first grade this week at home. Yep! I'm homeschooling! Wow! If someone had told me even 10 years ago that I would be doing this - I would think they were crazy!!! I would think I would be crazy to even try such a thing! We don't know if this is what we will do forever. We just know it's what is right for our family right now. God has affirmed this in so many ways!! Olivia and I have had 3 wonderful days of homeschool so far. I know there will be bad days. I'm realistic. I know the good will outweigh the bad, though. Someone told me they are praying that we "bank up" a lot of good days to look back on when we have a bad one. What an awesome prayer! I am believing for that! "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22

God is so faithful. He has blessed us in so many ways. We have been given textbooks, workbooks, craft supplies, a desk, a computer, a printer and much encouragement for our first year of homeschool!

Caroline has started K3. She had her first day on Monday. She is growing up so fast! She loves school and is going 5 days this year. This gives me ample time to homeschool Olivia one on one! They just started offering 5 days this year. A coincidence? "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". Romans 8:28

All around me...

Death seems to be everywhere lately.... a friend's mother and two of Brad's co-worker's husbands died just in the last month. One of our goldfish died last night. That may seem like no big deal, but we had her a year and a half. She is the first pet that Olivia has lost. We mourned at our house this morning. Maybe it is affecting me more because of my mom. My Mama died a little over a month ago now. Am I doing better? I guess. Not really. Sometimes. That's how I feel. One minute, I am fine and in an instant, I fall to pieces.

A friend of mine lost her mother a few weeks ago. They received friends one month exactly to the day that my Mama died. It was so hard to go to the funeral home, but I went. It helps the grieving when their friends come. I know this from personal experience. Just seeing someone make the effort to come and hug you means the world to you. To take the time from your busy schedule and acknowledge that their world has stopped and will never be the same again will make a lasting impression on your grieving friend. They'll think on it days and weeks and months and it will comfort them. You don't have to say the "right words". Just go. Hug your friend. They'll know what you're saying.

This is the day....

I know I am a blessed woman. That's why I titled my blog "Diary of a Blessed Woman". Sometimes, even in the midst of my grief, I feel like my cup is running over.

Olivia did a very precious thing the other week. We were on the way to the shrimp boil the day before Tammy's wedding and Brad and I were talking about Mother's Day and what a gift it was that we had that great day with Mama. I started crying and Olivia said, "Mama, maybe a song will help you feel better". So...she started singing, "this is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it....". So, that's what I did that day. I rejoiced with our friend Tammy. And....the next day...I rejoiced again at her wedding.

There is something to rejoice in everday.....my little girls, my husband, my friends, my family. There is so much to be thankful for. I am richly blessed.

The world doesn't stop....

Summer is slipping by. I feel like I haven't really had a summer....not the summer I had planned anyway. I had great plans for this summer. I was going to paint my living room, bedroom, hallway and hall bath. I was going to take my girls to a pool somewhere at least once a week. We were going to see every free summer movie. I was going to get all of my ducks in a row for homeschooling. I was going to CLEAN OUT stuff. So far.....none of that has been accomplished. Instead, I spent many hours at the bedside of my precious mama. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

I miss her so much - I ache. I see people going on with their lives...talking about things and doing things that seem so unimportant. I think....how can they being doing/saying that....don't they know my mama is dead? But I know that is crazy thinking on my part. Of course, life goes on. The world is not gonna stop for my broken heart.

I am moving on....slowly. Today, I am cleaning my house. It's taking me awhile...it's so filthy. My mama would have a fit if she saw how nasty I've let it get. I'm packing for our trip to Charleston this weekend - our wonderful friend Tammy is getting married. I'm picking out paint colors. I'm planning movies and playdates and fun things for my girls. I'm blogging. I'm trying.

Someone told me I would never be the same. I think they are right. I feel different. My mama was my firm foundation. I can't hug her. I can't talk to her. I can't see her except in my mind or a picture. I know she knows how much I loved her. I have no regrets.

I have so many wonderful friends and family who have checked on me, fed me, sent me cards and prayed for me. I am so thankful. I have the best husband who lets me just cry. I have precious children who dry my tears. God has blessed me and He is faithful. He is with me as my heart aches. He knows me. He understands my pain. He is my peace and comfort.

"The Lord your God is with you; the mighty one will save you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you." Zephaniah 3:17

A Beautiful Day

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. There is a breeze. And....low humidity - in July!! It's the perfect day for a wedding! My beautiful niece, Lynsay is getting married today! She's getting married outside - so the weather being great is an extra special blessing.

My sweet Lynsay was born when I was 18. I desperately wanted her to be a nephew, but when I saw her for the first time through the nursery glass - so tiny and beautiful and perfect, I remember thinking, "How could I have wanted her to be a boy? She is perfect just the way she is!" I have so many wonderful memories of my sweet Lynsay! She was a precious little girl and she has grown into a beautiful woman!

I am praying God's blessings today on Lynsay and Shane and the life that they are beginning together. May God give them a lifetime of love, joy, happiness and His abundant blessings. Most of all, I pray that they always remember this day that they pledge their love and committment to God, each other and their marriage.

To be like her...

I've been thinking a lot about my mama and the kind of woman she was and wanted to share a few things:

First, she was a great mother! She loved with her whole heart. She hugged me every day. She told me that hugs make you feel better and she was right. She not only hugged me, but all of my friends or anyone she knew that she happened to run into. She told me that she loved me every single day. She played ball with me and friends in the front yard. She danced with us. Most of all, she laughed with us. All of my friends loved her.

My mama was a great cook. Most people think that about their mom's, but mine really was. She made homemade biscuits almost every day. She made the best "from scratch" banana pudding and she let me help her beat the egg whites for the meringue. She always made something hot for me to eat for breakfast.

My mama kept a clean house. You could eat off her floor. There was a place for everything.

My mama loved people. She loved to talk. She was outgoing. She never met a stranger. Even in the last years, she would hardly ever stay in her room. She was always out in the hallways or common areas - wherever the people were.

My mama had lots of energy. She was always moving. After she had her stroke years ago and was in a wheelchair, she kept that chair moving. When she wasn't rolling around, she was pushing the chair up and back with her foot.

In almost every picture I have of my mama, she has her mouth open. I think this is because she was always talking or about to talk.

My mama liked to look good. She always dressed nice and her hair had to be just so. She really worried with that hair! She loved to shop at Belk's. When I was a little girl, we shopped for everything at Belk's in downtown Greenville.

My mama always told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I worked for it. She told me that I was beautiful and made me believe it. She told me if I acted as pretty as I was, I would do alright. She gave me confidence and encouragement. I could tell her anything. No one loves you like your mama.

I miss her so much. But she is in the presence of the Lord! She is whole! She is pain free! She is walking and talking and praising! I am so thankful for that peace. I will see her again. Until then....I want to be like her.

Mercy and Comfort

I've started to blog a few times but just couldn't. I still may not be ready....but I think it will be good for me.

My mom went to be with the Lord on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 around 12:45 p.m. I was with her. My brother, Steve was there. Brad and the girls were there. My niece, Sherry was there.

God is so merciful. My prayers were answered. She did not linger long after we got the word that they would make her comfortable. It was less than 24 hours. She went peacefully. She did not struggle for breath. She just stopped breathing.

Steve and I spent a lot of time together last week and one thing we decided is that we wanted to celebrate Mama's life when the time came. I think we did that at her funeral last week. I hope that everyone there got a glimpse of the remarkable woman that she was.

My friends and family have been so good to me. I can feel all the love and prayers. God is giving me comfort through all of you. Thank you.

Going Home.

My mom had a horrible night last night (Monday night). She was in so much pain. It was unbearable to watch. She was vomiting and nauseated and could not get comfortable. Today, the CT scan results are not good. It seems that her liver is retracted, her colon burst, a bowel obstruction, pneumonia in both lungs and a few more things I cannot think of right now. Her chance of survival with surgery is less than 5% with all of these things against her. They are keeping her comfortable with morphine. She seems to be resting. Her breathing is labored already. We don't know how long it will be. I came home for a shower, but am heading back to spend the night.

Please pray that she goes peacefully and with no pain. This morning she told me that if she dies today she will be in Heaven. I am praying for a great homecoming for her with her Savior and all her loved ones who have gone before her - my dad, her parents and many siblings. What a rejoicing there will be. I am so thankful I have had her all these years. I am blessed.

Waiting...

Today I woke up with a powerful migraine. Maybe I'm stressed out? Anyway, Steve (my brother) went over to the hospital this morning to speak with the doctor. He ended up talking to the Nurse Practioner (same one as last stay) and then I went over a little later and spoke with her. According to the report from x-ray, there is a good possibility there is a partial bowel obstuction. They are treating Mama with IV medication for 24 hours and nothing by mouth to rest her bowels.

So....sometime tomorrow we will re-evaulate. They'll see what the medication does and probably do a CT scan of her abdomen. If there is a an obstruction, surgery is the only way to correct it. Can she endure or survive another surgery? And, if we don't do surgery? She will die for sure.

So, we are waiting and trusting and most of all praying for comfort for our Mama, for God's wisdom for us in the decisions ahead.

Hospital again.

My mom had to go back into the hospital today. She was throwing up green bile and they sent her to the ER. The ER doctor told us (after x-ray) that she could have bowel ileus (slow working of the bowels) or bowel obstruction. They admitted her, started IV fluids and did a lot of bloodwork. Finally, after 8 hours in the ER, she was sent to a room. She was resting when I left her. Please pray that there is no bowel obstruction - that would mean surgery and I don't know that she can endure another one. Still....God is so good. He is in control. I trust Him.

Summing it up...

Since today is Friday, I'm gonna do a little recap of my week:

Sunday started the not so good with my Mama having a bad day. As the week went on...she improved and was able to be discharged from the hospital. She's had 2 really great days back at the nursing home and I am so thankful!!! She seems more like her old self! Even her speech is back! GOD is GREAT!!!

I've been a little stressed this week with all that has gone on with Mama plus Olivia is testing her boundaries (BIG TIME). I am praying that I handle her with wisdom and in a way that is pleasing to God. Brad and I have punished her, talked to her, read her scripture, prayed with her, prayed for her, prayed for ourselves.... Pray with us that we can get through this season soon!!!!

Olivia started an acting workshop at Foothills Playhouse this week. It's a 2 week workshop from 9am-12 noon. She LOVES it!!! (Thanks, Mimi!) Hopefully, having something to do everyday will help her.

Caroline loved going with me to see Mama at the hospital. She went with me twice this week and was so cute! She filled her purse up with a few toys and put her little purse on her shoulder and carried it into the hosptial. She thought she was such a big girl!! Olivia did not want to go the hospital. I think she was anxious...I'm sure she heard some of my conversations with Brad.

Yesterday, I put a little sundress on Caroline and she said, "I Cinderella, Mommy". Precious.

I am ready for the weekend....no hospital...Brad won't be working. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, right? God is so good. He's so good to me.

So far, so good.

Mama had a good night last night and a good day today. I went over at lunch and took her a Frosty. She drank the whole thing! This is BIG! She also ate a piece of bread. And....she knew I was Karen! Things are looking up!

Thank you so much for all the prayers. I know that God heard them and answered them according to His perfect will! I am so thankful! Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!! How I love Him more and more!!!

Home!

Well, finally....Mama was discharged today. She had a great day! All of her levels were good. She was awake and in good spirits - laughing and talking! It was so good to see her like that after all these bad days!

She finally got back to the nursing home around 5pm. Her sweet roommate, Helen has missed her so much! As soon as she saw Mama she started crying (she's always laughing or crying). I asked her if it was a happy cry and she just nodded. Sweet. I said to Mama, "Miss Helen is glad to see you, Mama". Mama said, "I'd be glad to see her too if I knew who she was." Hilarious! I guess "out of sight out of mind", huh?

What is interesting to me is that my mama has called me Karen the whole time she's been in the hospital. 12 long days! She is usually more confused if she is in the hospital or out of her normal routine. Not only did she call me Karen, she knew I was her daughter and Caroline is her granddaughter. She also knew Steve was her son and she usually thinks he's her brother. Even through all the ups and downs, I take this as a gift. Tomorrow, I may go and be right back to being Adell (her sister), but this time that she has known me has been sweet.

God is so good. He's so good to me.